About death.

Something about death
took the light out of me. 
I stood frozen against the realisation
that it might even happen. 

Don’t get me wrong, 
I’ve danced in her arms
like a lover, 
a soul-mate. 

But to see death in him, 
the one I loved – broke me. 

I stood frozen during months
when we all knew it was coming
and left haunted once it was gone. 
Reaaally gone. 

One rainy afternoon
he called me to his room, 
but stopped breathing 
before he could speak. 

But I kept talking to him 
over and over
like nothing happened
while tears run all over my face
and words became screams
and the screams became mumbling. 

We all knew it was coming, 
so we stuck to the plan, 
and I kept talking to him
while I cleanse, bath, and dressed him up. 

A few years have gone by 
and I keep talking to him.

And I know he can’t listen 
as I knew back then.

While my heart ached, 
empty and full, 
one foot planted earthly, 
one foot elsewhere. 

And since then I feel like a split soul
stuck in realms but I never break. 
I just linger lost around, 
ghostly and fearful. 

People say when a lover dies, 
it becomes your guardian angel. 
But I never feel guarded, 
how could I now?

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